A person of every little thing...

Sing me a song again, daddy

2011-10-08T15:50:00.002+08:00

I was once a lovely girl who also dreamed of a beautiful future with the man I love. But more than the thought of marriage, I was always hooked on the thought of my father's presence in such a wonderful occasion. Of who will I be and what will I be at that time, I will still be my father's precious darling little girl.

But even before that dream happens, I lost my father. I remember him when he first learned of his cancer, he called me up and told me of his frustration. He was furious when the doctor without hesitation or any reservation told him straight of his medical condition. 'Was he crazy to tell me that I have cancer... when i haven't brought you yet to the altar?!' He was referring to a wedding day.

It became a motivation for my sister wishing to marry someone before the due time of my father came, though she did not pursue. And when that time comes, it will be without my father. In the same way, I am left with just a dream of a wonderful covenant.

I grew up loving the song, Sing me a song again, daddy, always imagining to sing it to my own father. Now all I have is this song, though I still continue to sing it to him deep in my heart.

I love you, Papa! I will always be your darling little girl. And you will always be the greatest father in the whole world.

Anne's birthday..(?)

2011-10-03T14:27:00.001+08:00

03 October 2011. This is such a beautiful day, truly wonderful! :)

I woke up with the thought of Anne's birthday -- the simple things we can possibly prepare to make her happy. To surprise her, I started to look for the blouse that she once chose for me which I was not able to wear for a year. I fitted it with all the mix-matching in the hope to get the perfect match for today. But fortunately or unfortunately, it didn't fit me right. Maybe I'll just surprise her some other time. I did not bring my lunch expecting that we will dine out to celebrate.

I went to Mass also offering intentions for her. Then I passed by the flower shop to buy her a bouquet of assorted flowers. I appreciated the lady for her fastness and creativity in flower arrangement. She did not have a change of the big bill so I needed to collect all my smaller bills and pennies to pay her. I ended owing her 20 pesos. hehe

Yes, the bouquet is for Anne but I am also excited with it. In my jeepney ride, while trying to arrange it a little, I was drawn to the flowers and my excitement. Then I realized that I already passed by another village beyond my office! So, 'manong, manong, lugar palihog.' I had to go another trouble of crossing the wet streets in this rainy day hopping from one side to another avoiding the jeepneys and not to be caught up with a shower of those watery grounds.

You can almost guess how I controlled my laughter and smiles walking alone on the street. I have so much of excitement to contain! Arriving the office I waited for DBB to come out. I greeted him with a big smile, 'Good morning, DBB! It's Anne's birthday!' Confused of what I said, he reached for his calendar checking the date today and said, 'Anne's birthday is tomorrow, October 4.' 'Huh? Thought it is today?! I bought her a bouquet.' And DBB laughed. 'Oh, but will you do us a favor of giving it to her?' Of course DBB did not refuse.

Anne's birthday is tomorrow, 4 October, not today, 3 October. I felt stupind laughing alone recalling the first hour of my day. Today remains to be a so, so, so wonderful, happy day making me feel so much more beautiful with all the many reasons to smile and laugh. Hmmmm... let me infect the world with this! But first, I have to wait for others to come to hear my piece. hahaha!

Hello, Mr Sun!

2011-09-14T09:09:00.001+08:00

I come across an article months ago about proper care of the eyes. One of the things that we should avoid is glare. Oh well, I am failing in that.

When days seem to be so heavy and reality is too chaotic to bear, I always find consolation in the firmament. A day's jeepney ride, is giving me one beautiful opportunity to enjoy the sky especially on a sunny day. When all I see down here is too depressing, a little twist of my head to look above is such a wonderful relief. As I look at the glaring sun feeling the heat and it's powerful magic, even for few seconds I am brought to feel the heavens as I slowly close my eyes. For a second I am freed of the reality; for a second I am to lose my thoughts in exchange of wonders; for a second I have a foretaste of heaven; for a second I feel the Creator...

Prayer for Priests

2011-08-26T13:46:00.001+08:00

Just would like to share this prayer with you, as our priests are really in need of prayers. Thanks and blessings to you all.

Prayer for Priests

O Jesus,

I pray for your faithful and fervent priests;

for your unfaithful and tepid priests;

for your priests laboring at home or abroad in distant mission fields.

For your tempted priests;

For your lonely and desolate priests;

For your young priests;

For your dying priests;

For the souls of your priests in Purgatory.

But above all, I recommend to you the priests dearest to me:

The priest who baptized me;

The priests who absolved me from my sins;

The priests at whose Masses I assisted

And who gave me Your Body and Blood in Holy Communion;

The priests who taught and instructed me;

All the priests to whom I am indebted in any other way

(especially …)

O Jesus, keep them all close to your heart,

And bless them abundantly in time and in eternity.

Amen.

Also, you may access this site for more prayers for priests.

To the morning glory

2011-08-22T17:17:00.003+08:00

To the morning glory flowers,

That I, the spirit

May grow happy and blooming

As you are

Even in the midst

Of a rainy soul...

~ jocrossy + ~

22 August 2011

@ 7:38 AM

What's forever for?

2011-08-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've seen a lot of broken relationships. Guess this is the perfect song for where we are at... (though of course this is only true for some.) Please find below the lyrics, internalize it if you may.

WHAT'S FOREVER FOR

Sung by Billy Gilman

I've been looking at people

And how they change with the times

And lately all I've been seein' of people

Throwin' love away and losing their minds

Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy

Cause I can't understand why

All these people keep hurting each other

When good love is so hard to come by

So what's the glory in livin'

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me, what's forever for

Well I've been listening to people

And they say love is the key

It's not my way to let them lead me astray

It's only that I want to believe

But I see love-hungry people

Trying their best to survive

While in their hands is a dying romance

And they don't even try to keep it alive

So what's the glory in livin'

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me, what's forever for

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me, what's forever for

Rosary in the street

2011-08-18T11:13:00.002+08:00

I was surfing the net for quotations on the Holy Rosary when I found this one from St Escriva.

"You always leave the Rosary for later, and you end up not saying it at all because you are sleepy.

If there is no other time, say it in the street without letting anybody notice it.

It will, moreover, help you to have presence of God."

~ St. Josemaria Escriva ~

I felt happy to have stumbled on this one. I am affirmed by this line... Indeed I am growing in consciousness of the presence of God. ^_^

St Josemaria Escriva, pray for us.

God bless and have a beautifully blooming day, everyone!
(",)

Happy wedding anniversary!

2011-08-03T14:51:00.000+08:00

I greeted my mom on 1 August 'Happy anniversary!' She responded with a laugh and a question, 'how can it be happy when I am alone?'

It was their wedding anniversary. But I just told her that it is 'happy' still as you continue with your life and papa in the seemingly other world... ;)
hmmm... how do they celebrate anniversaries in heaven?

Commitment and Home

2011-07-19T14:58:00.002+08:00

Not too old for this life nor too young to speak about things, commitment is one thing that I learn for myself in my every day. For many of us who are on the verge of deciding hoping to trod the right path, I can see the pattern of struggling which way to keep. The moment we feel we are ready to commit for the next step, certain circumstance comes in to test our fidelity, faithfulness and for some to awaken for a different way. Nothing is certain in this world, not even the life we look forward to the moment we give our 'yes.' I see the contrasting reality that we need to battle with, which reminds me of the parable of the wheats and the weeds. Along with our growing desire to fulfill the Call is the growing temptation to keep us away from that desire. Survival of the fittest, it can be.

I was made to realize by a good friend of a possible meaning of a commitment. She reminded me of the will to do and to always choose to decide for that commitment. From which I recalled that yes, I could have decided otherwise but all this time I decided to commit myself in search of the Call. Definitely the searching was never perfect, in fact I arrived at a point that all I could see was a total mess of my so-called journey! But from where I am now, I am happy to realize that all of those were part of the bigger plan for me. Because those were the things that allowed me to truly experience life, to feel just how it is to be, and to be molded to be who and where exactly I am now. I am grateful to be blessed enough that I could end any regrets and to rather look at each as a precious piece in the puzzle. I continue to walk in the maze of my journey, the searching being part of the deepest desire to fulfill what I ought to fulfill.

I must admit that living in a different 'home' is quite a challenge as I am to deal with different people coming from different orientation and family culture. In my effort to embrace each of them in all their uniqueness, I am to realize that they too are exerting effort to do the same for me. If I find it difficult at times to deal with them, they too might be feeling the same way. The community of my ideals is for me to let go so I might embrace the reality of how it is to live with them. The beauty behind all these is that I am taught to learn the things I need for the coming days. Every single day is for me to experience, and by grace I will be able to learn the lessons of each.

Sometimes when I simply feel tired I would miss 'home.' And in my longing for a 'home' I would found myself sitting in the corner of the chapel. Then I could simply close my eyes, imagine and feel the loving embrace of a loving God. For the few minutes I feel cuddled and just like magic, I am somehow refreshed ready to get up again. The big consolation for me is that I am assured within me that I am happy. Tomorrow comes with or without a promise of new beginnings. But I am sure that it's gonna be a brand new day.

God bless and happy day, everyone!
(",)
~ jocrossy + ~

A time of pain, a time of grace

2011-07-12T15:20:00.001+08:00

Newspapers carry on the headlines today the apology extended by CBCP over the PCSO fund mess. Since the allegation broke out involving 7 bishops, I was moved to check and analyze a bit from the different angles. Just like most of the faithful, I was surprised and saddened by it. I once spoke with a Catholic defender and yes, she expressed her frustration. But then again, it was not for us to condemn but rather to see it as a way to strengthen our faith while accepting our Church leaders in their desire to serve in all their frailties. Let it rather be a way to see just how we can further improve the Church knowing that temptations and baits are always around. I am reminded by the verse from the First Letter of Peter (1 Peter 5:8-10),

"Be sober and alert because your enemy the devil prowls about like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. Stand your ground, firm in your faith, knowing that our brothers and sisters, scattered throughout the world, are confronting similar sufferings. God, the giver of all grace, has called you to share in Christ's eternal Glory and after you have suffered a little he will bring you to perfection: he will confirm, strengthen and establish you forever."

I am humbled and happy to have read today the pastoral statement of CBCP which you can read below.

A time of pain, a time of grace

(A Pastoral Statement)

Our Dear People of God,

Our Mother Church has been deeply wounded by the controversies in the
Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office that have erupted in the past two
weeks. Some members of the Church believe in the innocence of the
bishops involved in the issue, while others do not. There is no doubt
that everywhere in the Church there is great sorrow. We your pastors are
one with you. As shepherds struggling to love you like Jesus the Good
Shepherd, we are sorry for the pain and sadness that these events have
brought upon you.

We are saddened that many of you, especially the youth, the poor,
our Basic Ecclesial Communities, have been confused because of the
apparent inconsistency of our actions with our pastoral preaching.

As we express our sadness, we also ask you to be slow in judgment
and to conscientiously seek the whole truth behind the controversy. Let
us seek the truth always in charity.

We assure you that the bishops concerned are ready to accept
responsibility for their action and to face the consequences if it would
be proven unlawful, anomalous, and unconstitutional. We assure you that
their action was done without malice. Out of their sincere desire to
help their people, they failed to consider the pitfalls to which these
grants could possibly lead them. They have also expressed their
readiness to do everything that is necessary to heal this wound so that
we can all move forward in hope.

We also assure you, our beloved people, that we shall re-examine
the manner of our collaboration with government agencies for purposes of
helping the poor, making sure that pastoral sensibilities are respected
and the highest ethical standards are observed. We shall examine our
values in the light of our vocation to be disciples of Jesus Christ. We
commit ourselves to the long journey of personal and social
transformation required of all disciples of the Lord. We plead with you
to walk with us in this path of constant renewal.

We express again our deep sorrow for the pain that the recent
events have brought to you our beloved people. The good Lord knows our
love for you. The words of the psalmist come to our mind: “My sacrifice,
a contrite spirit. A humbled, contrite heart you will not spurn”
(Ps.51). As the same Psalmist addresses the Lord, we take his words as
our own to encourage and challenge us: “Indeed you love truth in the
heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.”

For the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines,

+NEREO P. ODCHIMAR, D.D.
Bishop of Tandag
President, Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines
July 11, 2011

On the Feast of St Anthony de Padua

2011-06-13T08:48:00.001+08:00

Checking my phone calendar for June 13, I was reminded of the feast of St Anthony de Padua. To his feast I requested for his special intercession. I lost a part of me for quite sometime and I need to find it to bring me back into writing. So to the patron Saint of lost things, I made an appeal...

I found a stampita of him of similar image above along with a feather (guess) in 2009 few days before his feast. Since nobody claimed it, I took it with me. I wasn't sure then if it was really lost by somebody but I was sure that I found him.

In the eve of his feast, I stared at the image and in my prayer... just like St Anthony de Padua, that I may carry the infant Jesus in my own arms with fondness as I wear in me the living Word blooming in love and holiness like flowers beautifully do, with Jesus constantly touching my face in blessings and graces, with focus of my gaze direct to His very own eyes that I may never lose my way and never to depart from Him; that I may stay forever in love with Him and only unto Him.

St Anthony de Padua, pray for us.
(",)

Seeds of Injustice, a must read

2011-05-26T08:47:00.001+08:00

Trying to run after time in my desire to work on my thesis fast, I asked for highly recommended readings for me to prioritize. Ideas are starting to unfold and I am overwhelmed with the many possible books on my list. So which one do I read first? Anne told me that the Seeds of Injustice (Reflections on the Murder Frame-up of the Negros Nine in the Philippines) from the Prison Diary of Niall O'Brien was the first of Fr Niall's books and is the basic. So I borrowed her one and only copy (assuring her that I will really take good care of it) and brought it along with me to the bank. Waiting for my turn, I started to turn on the cover, read the title and the commentaries at the back, the pictures...
Page 1 greeted me with this quotation,

Violence has a source, and that source is injustice.

Violence is the fruit of the tree of injustice

and hatred is its evil flower.

If we sow seeds of injustice, we reap violence.

If we want to remove violence, we must first remove injustice.

Niall O'Brien

This alone can bring one into a reflection on the truth of what he said. True, yes, true...
Continue on the pages...
Page 5 says,

para sila nanday

Digna, Nato, Arod, Clarita, Lina, Nanette, Boy, Putot (all are deceased)

para sa akon Ilog kag Amay

kag para man sa imo Nene

I love the way he put it, in Hiligaynon, our dialect... the pride of a native. And I really feel that he is talking to me still with the words, KAG PARA MAN SA IMO NENE, (and also to me). So do I identify myself with NENE as I try to pray for Fr Niall to help me with this reading that I may understand the words in the context that he wished for every Nene to understand. Kag para man sa imo Nene will be a good drive for me as I continue to read the pages...

So my journey of the recent past in this island of Negros, in the prison cell of the Negros Nine begins...

http://misyononline.com/new/jul-aug2009/the-Negros-Nine-Live-On

Yes! It's a good news!

2011-03-25T11:19:00.001+08:00

This is what is amazing! Just minutes after or maybe an hour after I posted my blog, MARY's fiat. Will it also be Mary's fiat? good news are starting to come in, from friends who are happy with their good news of the day. See, reasons to smile and be happy are making its way to me! With my previous statement, 'I believe that my hour for rejoicing will come,' the law of attraction, a mind disposition, the faith, it all matters. :D

Hmmm... happiness doesn't have to be 'me.' It can always come in the gentlest news to the most freaking great news of friends and other people. ;)

And ooopppzzzz, before I end this blog, another affirmation came in, just few minutes ago. A very simple, short but concise comment from a dear friend, 'Luke 2:19.' Checking the Bible it says, 'As for Mary, she treasured all these words and continually pondered them.' And so be it... <3

Mary, seat of wisdom, pray for us.

(",)

MARY's fiat. Will it also be Mary's fiat?

2011-03-25T08:32:00.001+08:00

Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to act like this? Why do I have to feel this way? Well, I can only ask and question..!

I've been looking forward for this day with thrill and excitement. This is supposed to be a happy day. For today we celebrate the feast of the Annunciation, Mama Mary's fiat, her YES that many of us wish to follow and to own. I was hoping for a better day when I can also renew my yes and even give my another yes.

But waking up this morning I feel more of Magdalene rather than Mary. I prayed to God, 'Lord, please let me be Magdalene. Let me kiss your feet, wash it with oil and dry it with my hair' as I make my way to kissing the floor of the chapel. There He is in the tabernacle. I spoke to Him, I ask Him questions, I ponder on things... no, I was actually begging for Him to give me light. 'Lord, please be my Light. Please give me light so I may see the good in all these things. Mary, seat of wisdom, pray for me.'

Today is Friday, 25 March 2011. The feast of the Annunciation, a joyful celebration. But Friday is meant for Sorrowful Mystery in the Rosary. And I feel more in deep sorrow at the start of this day. But I also know that this day will not end with me being joyful. I believe that my hour for rejoicing will come. Only that I have to feel this way, I need to be in this as of the moment. So do I dwell on this feeling to savor it, though not for long.

I am just at the first hour of my day. This day is going to be long for me.

A post for 'Joy in Christ'

2011-03-24T14:23:00.008+08:00

When I allowed myself to listen to God's call, it was the start of beautiful things... Jesus has become a bridegroom for me, so loving and His manifestations was so real. Intimate moments are very possible with Him the moment we decide to allow our hearts to commune with His...

God bless and stay in love, everyone!
(",)

Joy in Christ is a group I joined in facebook.

Happy birthday, Sjon!

2011-03-18T14:33:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday, Sjon!

It is a joy na makaila ko sama nimo. Knowing you is one proof just how music binds people. Thank you for the songs you shared to me. Thank you at di ka natakot sa boses ko.hehe

May your words find fulfillment in the lyrics,

May your notes be attuned in melody,

May your heart find its own passion

In the rhythmic soul of life

That belongs to the Almighty.

Rainbow Connection, this is one of the songs that reminds me of you.

GTI and have a great life, Sjon!

mwuahuggzzz!

(",)

ONE LOVE

2011-03-17T16:52:00.003+08:00

These lines of the song came to me last week when I could hardly rationalize what I felt.

Few are the choices we are given.
The sands of time pass quickly by...
And I can't help but believe
that my whole life will be spent in ONE LOVE...

And I continue to sing it even in my head. Such a comfort song in this time of worriness and fear. This brings me a positive light trying to keep me calm, lulling me to ease...

So even in my fear and worry, 'Yes, Lord, Thy will be done unto me as You wish.' Just grant me courage as you promised, 'Courage, my child, for I am with you.'

Happy birthday, Ms Bing!

2011-03-16T14:40:00.002+08:00

Ms Bing,

You are a reflection of God's image.

Your presence is a blessing to His people.

Your words are echos of His Good News.

Your life is a testimony of His goodness.

Happy birthday, Ms Bing! I am grateful for having met you.

God bless. Keeping you in prayers...

love you and mwuahuggzzz!

(",)

Happy birthday, Totomel!

2011-03-16T14:16:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday, Toto! Tigulang ka na ay ho. hehe

It's a pleasure, a blessing, and a gift na nakilala ta gid ka. You're a friend, little brother, and co word-weaver. I am learning from you (hopefully para sa kaayuhan. hehe)

May you happily live in God's little garden:

to be sown in life's fullness,

to grow in wisdom,

to blossom in creativity,

to wither but with meaning and fulfillment.

Enjoy the journey!

GTI. mwuahuggzzz!

Keeping you in prayers... Please stay in touch.

(",)

18 February 2011

2011-02-18T13:40:00.001+08:00

Today, 18 Feb 2011: birthday of my brother, operation of Bebeth, thanksgiving for Matthew & his family, a day of prayer for me as I come to remember those whom I promised to pray... I offer them all in an early morning Mass and to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus...

As I was walking on my way back home, I began to wonder, what other stories could there be for today? And as I enter the house,

'please pray for a sister in Bahrain and for the people of Bahrain, Jordan and other places in the world who are struggling for freedom...'

Indeed it is another day of prayer...

Still, all praises and thanksgiving be to God! ♥

In a conversation with Fr Alej

2011-02-02T15:13:00.002+08:00

In a conversation with Fr Alej,

Joy: Father, do you also shy away from God whenever you are confronted with your weaknesses and temptations?

Fr Alej: No, rather, the more I recognize my need of Him. As I spend my time with Him in the Eucharist, the more it becomes meaningful. The more I crave for His presence...

I can't remember his exact words but I knew since then that I was to take the Eucharist with a greater meaning, to love it more and more... And yes, he somehow taught me how to love Jesus in the Eucharist...

At the chapel in the cemetery where Fr Alej was buried. It was my first visit of him.

Remembering Father Alej

2011-02-02T14:54:00.004+08:00

Sharing to you, HANDOG by Florante.

I always wanted this to be sung in my funeral. So once, I requested Fr Alejandrino Plaza SVD (RIP) to play it with a guitar. He was the one and only person who sang/played it with an intro...

The song goes, 'tatanda at lilipas din ako, ngunit mayrong awiting iiwanan sa inyong alaala dahil minsan tayo'y nagkasama.' (I shall grow old and be gone, but I will leave you with a song for your memory because once, we were together). Now that he is gone, indeed he left my memory with this very song...

Remembering you so well, Fr Alej on your birthday today. Together we shall sing this once again soon as I reach your heavenly place. Til we meet again...
GTI! **huggzzz**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FR ALEJANDRINO PLAZA SVD (RIP)!!!

A Birthday Greeting to Ken

2011-01-06T13:40:00.002+08:00

Birthday greetings to the poet!
He's busy, i bet,
weaving the lines to express
what's within no less.

More blessings for you this year.
Will you be wishing over a beer?
Cheers my friend for more excitement
as you grow older with enlightenment.

Happy birthday and God bless you, Kenneth!
(",)
~ jocrossy + ~

Message for you...

2010-12-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

Today is the feast of St John of the Cross. I seem to love him even if I don't know him well yet. I was told that he wrote something on HOLY DARKNESS which I know nothing of. But such line has been my comfort in my low moments and when everything seems to mean nothing. Still, let me share the line to you... for even in the darkest hour, God is always around; that's His promise...for He is Lord...
God bless you, my friend, and your friend too...
prayers... (",)

Nothing

2010-12-14T12:59:00.000+08:00

No time for thinking,
no space for words.
Nothing is revealing
but everything floats.

~ jocrossy + ~

2010-11-30T15:23:00.001+08:00

To risk,
to dare,
to conquer!!!

I just had the highest jump of my life!
I love You!!!

P.S. Mama, I made it!!!

AT HOME

2010-11-05T12:25:00.000+08:00

What a great thing it is
To be home in oneself!
You feel so inspired
With heart full of gratitude.

Peace within me,
Peace in oneself,
What else would I need?

The gentle breeze of the wind that feels my skin,
With tall trees swaying their leaves,
With the chirping birds singing praises,
I pray along with them.

In this moment of serenity,
In this feeling alone and free,
Nothing will be better than this my dear;
To feel at home where one belongs.

+ jocrossy +

**I think this is the first 'positive' poem I wrote. Before, I was at my best in writing when I was in a bad mood. But I learned to write not only out of anger or bad feelings or ill thoughts but of positive feelings. Way back then, others would commend me for being optimistic in dealing life. But my pessimism? You would see it in my poetry and other write ups in my diary or journal notebook. Because those are the things that I could not express at all. I was so used to be the best of me, trying to please people but deep inside, I was left alone in my darkness for nobody wanted to share the un-fortunes I had. People cling on you when they see you good. But they stay away the moment they sensed a little heavy thing in you. To whom do I share then?

But I remain grateful for the gift of the smiles that I am able to share with others. And I am happy to be 'at home' from time to time. ^_^

'Keep smiling, keep shining.'

God bless us all!
(",)

Wake me up, Lord

2010-11-03T13:10:00.000+08:00

Wake me up, Lord
from the long sleep I've been.
For life is nowhere
in the nights within.

Bring me into light
for my spirit to awake.
Let me grasp your hand for help
in the uncertainty of living.

Guide me as I open my eyes.
Calm this trembling heart.
Teach me to recognize
the strength to survive.

+ jocrossy +
07:25 AM
3 Nov 2010

Surfacing Sadness

2010-10-15T05:04:00.000+08:00

With the rippling sound of the glorious fountain,
awakens the sadness seated within.
The loudness of the flow cannot underestimate
the chaos of the silence it dared to rate.

The hunger I feel in this not so empty stomach
cannot be dismissed by the lulling hammock.
For thoughts and feelings in twirl combine,
I am left to surrender to the One Divine.

Hear ye, hear ye, what I am not certain of.
These passing things that I need not prove.
Know the unravellings of this mind and heart,
catch every second as I let it part.

The World is One with Chile

2010-10-14T20:39:00.000+08:00

Chi chi chi, Le le le!!! I love these cheering line of the Chileans as it encourages the spirit while the operation to rescue the miners was ongoing. I even caught myself repeating those lines as I also wait for the update. Felt like I was one of the rest of the world waiting expectantly, praying, hoping and almost holding my breath for the first miner to come up. It entailed a big courage for the first one to take the risk. And when Florencio Avalos emerged from that deep hole, I could almost shed a tear with the rest of the expectants, especially when he broke in tears while hugging his 7-year old son. It was a sign of success, of a new life, of greater hope, of gratefulness, of countless emotions... That was only in the internet as I follow on the news.

Watching the live coverage seemed to bring me to San Jose Mine as I am moved by the spirit of the Chileans present there. And with the last person surfacing from that hole, it was also for me a great feeling of achievement! I do rejoice in the success of the operation. I am one with the rest of the world in jubilation.

Just like what other countries had said, Chile taught us many lessons -- in unity, faith, nationalism and courage. With all the tragedies that they went through, they were able to stand up as a nation, they worked as one. I can only hope for such spirit to run through our veins not only during calamities but to work most of the time as one nation, proud of its country, in all circumstance. The presence of their president Sebastian Pinera is something admirable and his speech was also moving. The wholehearted singing of Chile's national anthem led by President Pinera and Luis Urzua froze the world with great essence of pride and dedication. "Today, we are all Chileans." Yes, I really admire the Chilean spirit!

To quote one thing that struck me with Mario Gomez as the oldest of the trapped miners at the age of 63, "Gomez's wife, Lilianett Ramirez, pulled him up from the ground and embraced him. The couple had talked by video once a week, and she said that he had repeated the promise he made to her in his initial letter from inside the mine: He would marry her properly in a church wedding, followed by the honeymoon they never had." Oh, so sweet! When love speaks... Wishing the best for this couple.

And among others, I am touched by their stories of faith... As the camera rolled, I was trying to look into their faces, to their eyes as every miner made his way to his loved ones. There is so much to see, to feel and to know about each of them... Now I'm wishing to have a personal interview with any of them. ^_^

Most importantly, thank God for all of these. All praises be His...

God bless Chile, God bless us all!
(",)

Lead, Kindly Light

2010-09-24T14:02:00.000+08:00

Lead, Kindly Light
Cardinal John Henry Newman (1801–1890)

Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home—
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.

So long Thy power hath blessed me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.

____________________________________________________

(",)

'Love is embracing all and loving especially the unlovables.'

Getting naked in public!

2010-09-23T13:57:00.000+08:00

"Writing books is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public."
~ Paulo Coelho ~

Writing, it really is. Because it reflects your inner thoughts and feelings. The inner recesses of the soul is revealed, even if at times it appears abstract in the form of poetry or idioms. Dissecting a written literature is like getting into the mind of the author, feeling the state of his soul and unraveling the words of his story...

It's a risk you take upon yourself for people will be able to read you. But it becomes a beautiful risk knowing that people get inspired by what you write...

Keep inspiring, keep writing...
(",)

A thought for Mama

2010-07-28T12:54:00.000+08:00

28 July 2010 - Greetings on the Feast of St Pedro Poveda (my anniversary).

Today, I offer a special thought for my mom. She hopes to have her check up this afternoon with her doctor. She's into this kind of illness that is kinda incurable.

Do I ask for a miracle for God to simply take it from her? Or for strength of spirit that my mom will be open and pro-active for dealing with her illness? Or for me to face her in courage for whatever is her reaction whenever she learns about it and for her to draw strength that she may not grow weaker?

Do I continue to think of this thing? Or do I just stop my anxious wondering?

Let me rather submit to the one that is greater, to His divine holy will.

Please help me offer my mom to God for Him to take care, through the loving intercession of Mama Mary (Mother of Perpetual Help) and St Pedro Poveda.

Thank you and God bless us all,
+ jocrossy +

Tears of God

2009-11-09T00:07:00.000+08:00

When words cannot speak,
Let the mind talk.
When thoughts are inconceivable,
Let the heart ponder.
When feelings cannot utter,
Let the tears flow… Tears
Of sadness and gratitude,
Of nothingness and fullness,
Of wishful thinking and fulfillment,
Of fantasy and reality,
Of petition and recognition,
Of person and being,
Of brokenness and wholeness,
Of defilement and holiness,
Of humanity and divinity;
For God to hold
In the palm of His hand
To cherish and treasure,
To claim as His own,
To go back to its Source,
And be embraced
By the Ocean of Life.

+ jocrossy +
17 October 2009
@ 6:28 P.M.

**My tears will always be the tears of God as I am His creature and He is the Creator. Whatever I have comes from Him. I have tears because He shared His to me… He lovingly shares… Let me love You God in grateful heart.

REFLECTION ON ONDOY

2009-11-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

Q: What are the causes of typhoon Ondoy?

It is but natural for Philippines to be hit by typhoon. But the tragic effect of the typhoon was caused by improper disposal of garbage, deforestation, problematic drainage system, abuse of mother nature and global warming.

Q: What can we do together to lessen the impact of such occurrence in the lives of the poor?

We have many options that we can work out together:
The ‘bayanihan’ spirit is a big help. It’s great to see people helping one another to save lives, the generosity of sharing goods to the victims from all walks of life, the spirit of volunteerism especially the mobilization of the youth;
To disregard prejudices and unsettled conflicts in such a time is actually one big opportunity of living in solidarity, standing together as one, undivided nation –the impact of which is not only for the poor but for the entire nation;
Pastoral counseling especially for the bereaved family who are greatly in need of empathy and encouragement;
Reaching out to the victims of the very traumatic incident; just listening to their grievances can somehow alleviate their emotions, helping them think positively of the big loss they had experienced;
The mere scene of people helping together to reach out the victims is one simple thing that can touch the hearts of some if not all to give them hope;
For the government to provide for the immediate needs of the victims especially shelter and food, options for livelihood that will give them an assurance that they can go on with their lives;
TV personalities, e.g. Kris Aquino, taking advantage of their fame to call for more donations;
And the immediate simple help that we can offer but is powerful and very important – PRAYER.

**I'm posting it for a special purpose. ;)

Full MOON

2009-10-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

In such a cold, dark night,
Looking from afar,
Someone's wishing tonight
In a lonesome star.

Staring so gray
In an unpainted sky,
What shall stay
In those moments passing by?

Breaking lights
In those big clouds,
Catches the eyes
And the heart that pounds.

In a minute's glance,
Blooms the seed of hope
Taking the chance
On immediate cope.

Emerges the perfect
Big full moon,
No one can reject
Such beauty in tune.

Lull me with your fullness,
Fill this emptiness
With your sweet loving sound
In this smile that will bound.

Cuddle me to sleep
'Til my heart learns to keep
The beauty everlasting
Forever enlightening.

+ jocrossy +
10/05/09
from 19:14:27 to 19:33:04

p.s. I'd been wishing that the rest of the world could see the beauty of that beautiful full moon.

Dear Father God

2009-10-02T09:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Father God,

Let me in Thy loving arms embrace the whole world
That in Your divine protection it will be comforted.
Let Your motherly heart protect it from any harm.
And in Thy mantle of love it will be lulled in tenderness.
Let it be at rest... peaceful... still... calm... quiet...
I love you Lord and I love the world in Your dear loving heart.

Your loving daughter,
+ jocrossy +

The Blue Heart

2009-09-15T15:42:00.000+08:00

A heart so heavy of loneliness
Burdened of many but of nothingness.
A heart that shines in pity
Will I ever see its beauty?

Beating with undying ache
What comfort shall it ever make?
Groaning in so much suffering
Does it have the ear for listening?

It maybe blue for the contained sorrows
Even bleeding for the piercing arrows
But it is still a heart of overflowing grace.
Let it pour out love for the dying race.

+ jocrossy +
@ 11:11:43 AM
31 August 2009

**Remembering Mary in Our Lady of Sorrows, and the many sorrowful hearts.

Mama Mary, as I am formed to be like Christ and for Christ to be formed in me, may I be like you… Amen.

My Eulogy for Mrs. Corazon Aquino

2009-08-14T09:45:00.000+08:00

Last August 8 in our class we were asked to write a eulogy for Tita Cory. I said that I can relate more to Kris than to Cory. But anyway, given the few minutes and on the spot writing, I came up with this:

I knew her first through books as I was still four at that time of EDSA 1986. I don't have any recollection on those days.

Supplied with news and other readings, I learned about her governance of many wars being waged during her time, of the issue of farmers on their Hacienda Luisita, and other not-so-good things noticed by people on how she ran the country.

Given those facts, still we cannot deny the goodness in her. Cory was such a model of a good mom, a prayerful lady, a strong person, and a simple and humble woman. It was her piety that led the nation for a non-violent revolution that saved the country from imprisonment of martial law. She admitted she was not ready to run the country but who else can deny the Filipinos' cry? She took courage to lead the country with her humble submission to the Divine. And in all those times of war and trouble, she never lose her poise. She stayed calm in all hope for resolution. Hers was a testimony of faith.

As a mother, she never neglected her responsibility. She stood as a mother and a father to her children. On how she carried her family relation can be seen on how her children grew up. To quote from Kris, "Cory was a mom we all wished our mothers to be." She really was.

Seen on how the people flocked to pay tribute to her, reasons would not be enough to explain things. It is the movement of a heart that can speak better.

(",)
joy

Dancing in the Light

2009-07-14T10:18:00.000+08:00

on 7/12/09 @11:29:26

Let me dance in the embers of your light
The spark that shines in the steadfast of the night.
For darkness creeps through the day's wonder
But it will never win with your unwavering thunder.

Your dearie needs your steadfast love
And the fortitude that her heart should have.
Sustain the spirit of the coward's will
So in the night it will not be left to chill.

Light, light, light, let me dance in your light
That together with you I will shine bright.
God, God, God, let me hold your hand
So together we dance with your magical wand.

ends @11:41:38

On the Bone

2009-07-12T15:54:00.000+08:00

A Reflection over Lunch

As I slowly pull out the marrow in your bone, let your hidden self get out. Allow that highly kept self to surface. Consider your shyness and fears but little by little let it go. From there I will gladly clean you up. Remove the untidiness that surrounds you. Be cleansed with scrapes of these spoon and fork. And when I'm done, even if you won't look perfectly as you wanted, don't worry. You will always be the beautiful 'Joy' that God has always loved.

Be stained, be cleansed, and be free to dance in God's wonderful hand!

DISPOSITION

2009-06-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

Mountains of clouds
Beneath the clouds of air
Waiting to be lifted up.

Still and quiet
Motionless in post
Remain in patience.

Looking at the sides
Sensing their struggles
Pity I shall feel.

Feeling their emotion
Praying for their condition –
Powerless in motion.

Let me love them from Your heart
Let me embrace them with Your arms
The Me coming from Your Being.

Heightened faith reaching heavens
Humbly coming to Your presence
Grant us Your peace, my God.

Bringing to You torn and broken-hearted
Let it be fixed with Your soft-hearted
Healing magical touch.

+ jocrossy +

**I wrote it piece by piece in this blog describing my daily disposition for the week -from May 11 to 16.

on Latin Songs

2009-06-27T11:04:00.000+08:00

When Latin songs are sung on special occasions, (e.g. Veneration, Benediction) I don't know exactly the feeling that is created in me. I am just left in awe and appreciation to the rite that becomes more solemn. I would even feel that I become holy and blessed to take part in such occasion.

I cannot even comprehend the lyrics, but I believe it's the faith and the spirit that brings the community into that great celebration that is God's. It's not really a matter of knowing every detail, of understanding the entirety of the Mass, but rather allowing ourselves to be humble and be submissive at times to the Divine inspiration. It's remembering the thought that we don't just rationalize what is written in the Bible but allowing ourselves to be open to what God would want us to learn as we transcend on His words.

Another, there are songs that are best sung in Latin. For example, Tantum Ergo, it has an English translation but the choice of words used in Latin is so beautiful and the essence is kinda different when sung in English. Salve Regina is my motivation in attending an early Saturday Mass. I knew then that I love it since the first time I heard it, though it was just lately that I learned its exact English translation.

For me it would be a great pleasure to know certain Latin songs. It'll give me an advantage that in case I will be attending a Latin Mass especially in the Vatican, I would know even just a single song.hehe

But if a Cathedral schedules a regular Latin Mass (from beginning til end) at the most convenient time of most of the parishioners, that would be another thing.

God bless us all!
(",)

'Love is embracing all and loving especially the unlovables.'

**This is a commentary i made to a discussion forum posted in Misyononline . You can also view here the different views on the issue being raised.

You Can Let Go Now Daddy / Papa

2009-06-13T08:43:00.000+08:00

My sister shared to me the site http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=96565007236&h=s09Q9&u=7_TAj&ref=mf , Crystal Shawanda's 'You Can Let Go Now Daddy.' I couldn't relate that much with the first two stanzas of the song as I have my own unique moments with my father. But I got so struck with the last one,

"It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go"

It brings me back to that so familiar scene of the last hours with my dad. Right now I'm holding back my tears but thankful for the writer of this song and those who shared this to us. The lyrics describe it exactly, the very thing I found so hard to write on. It was the most painful thing I had. It was indeed killing me to see my greatest strength dying before my eyes. It was like dying inside feeling my own greatest weakness. To recall, I was trying my best to keep him alive not just for my own sake but for the entire family longing to catch up with his last breath. As I was thinking for all of them I found it most difficult to give him up. With the grace of God I was able to say to him the last words of letting go,
"It's okey dad. You can go now. Don't you worry. We'll be okey. You can let go now and continue with your journey." ... then he gave up his last breath...

Until now we all do feel that certain sadness and might not even able to get over it yet. But in prayer, in grace and in great hope, we will all soon say in loving freeing words, "You can let go now Daddy/Papa."

May Papa/Daddy rest in peace as we lovingly keep him and his memories in our hearts. God bless us all!
(",)
+ jocrossy +

A Troublesome Day?

2009-06-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

'Such a beautiful day to start,' i uttered as I woke up. Indeed looking forward for a wonderful day. I got up early intending to attend an early mass.

I asked a companion to go with me to the bank as I was supposed to withdraw for the scholar's tuition which I failed to do because the atm card was captured due to expiration. I never noted its expiration and failed to renew it then. This is really a trouble since it entails a lot of processing again and the owner is outside of the country. Whew! But let me stay cool since the bank is close yet.

Passing by the Church I decided to go straight to the office as I was late for the mass. I'll just catch up with the last mass tonight. Now, the jeepney I was into almost banged on a private car who cut on our way. Good that our driver was too fast to hold the break. We were actually in the midst of crossroads and it was a difficult scene to solve if the accident pushed through. But what was more alarming was that it all happened in front of a police station with policemen relaxing on the roadsides. Wasn't it a call of duty? What I pitied most was the sight of a young boy driving his sidecar with all those corn harvest in a sack who banged himself in our jeepney when it stopped. Surely he was hurt, so much more with all those high school boys teasing him. Our driver seemed to be rather aggressive instead of considering the boy that he confronted him. I just stared at those boys with my looks who made them stopped their teasing. Whew!

Dropping the boys in their school, the driver jumped out himself and crossed on the other road and I saw him caressing a baby sitting on the table. I think he was worried himself and maybe afraid -a man who cares much for his family. I looked at him in the mirror, in prayers, as he asked where to drop me.

So I went on and my day still continues...

God bless my day ahead (with crossed fingers),
(",)
+ jocrossy +

Importing

2009-05-30T10:13:00.000+08:00

I'll be importing my old blog entries coz my previous blog site guess will be closing. tsk tsk tsk. And let me share them to you here.

God bless us all!
(",)

2009-05-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

"Man thinks, woman dreams. To think is to recollect the past or to reason the present. To dream is to anticipate the future. Man is the lake, woman the ocean. The lake contains the poetry that dazzles, the ocean contains pearl that beautifies."

The Writer in Me

2009-05-27T08:27:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since I last had my journal entry in my notebook. I've been trying to stir up the spirit and everytime I felt so I don't have enough time to do so. Whenever I'm ready for my write up I get so many stuff to think of so now I get confused with what and where to start. Guess I was never ready at all.

"Im so tired of being here...", it's Evanescence's My Immortal playing now in my computer. Maybe I'm just tired of no specific thing to mention. I just feel so weak this morning. Could it be the thought of wanting to write so many stuff that's making me weak? Or the things I need to accomplish? Or just the anti-allergy medicine that I took last night?

I'm trying to enliven my spirit to keep a day. Hopefully I will feel better few minutes from now. It's just that maybe I would want to dwell for this feeling even for a moment just to keep my thoughts flowing as I make this entry. Could it still be part of my experimentation of how to claim back the writer in me? I was so used to writing at the heights of my emotions; basically started when I was in a bad mood then to feeling down and later on to feeling so good. For whatever emotions I would have I simply want to write a daily journal as I know so well that it helped me somehow.

Will the spirit of the writer in me willingly come home?

Please do...

+ jocrossy +

Dear, Last Night...

2009-05-16T16:54:00.000+08:00

Dear, last night, was actually a night
Of sorrow and pain
Of joy and reminiscing
Of laughters and tears.

A dear friend had hurt me
Saying things I really hate
Cultivating the ill-feelings
Causing me great pains.

The root deep down was also wet
With the showers of unjust deeds
Awakening this little plant of hatred
Helping it grow, expanding its roots
Touching every soil it could reach
And I got no way in control of it.

The only thing that was left to me... was 'tears'.
Only my expressive tears helped me.
Even this I tried to control
But it was also screaming,
Wanting to get out,
Wanting to be free
And again, I got no way in control of it.

Long-treasured memories visited me
As a message from a friend reached me
The friend that I've been missing so much
Was he a long-lost one?

Just a thought from him made me happy
Comforting every tear that bursted out from me
With my heart leaping for joy and gladness
I had even laughed for the shared memory.

I was so happy, very happy
That I almost forgot this was temporary.
Few messages in a little while
And goodbye for a long time.
Bidding goodbye... such a sad thing
But I got no way in control of it.

Dear, all these I wanna share last night
Share it just to you.
But hesitations overruled me
Thought I might disturb you
Thought you won't hear me too
And so decided not to tell you.

Dear, last night I was alone
I got no one to turn to, no one to talk to.
My emotional being overshadowed me
My heart screamed both for the joy and ache.
I would love to sing a song for this thing
But surely I'd be out of tune
For I couldn't even describe the mixed feeling.

Dear, finally, I was in control of myself
Though all these were left unexpressed.
I thanked God for I managed to smile
Before I ended last night!

(written on 17 Jul 02 at 9:46:22 AM)

Disposition 5

2009-05-16T16:51:00.000+08:00

Bringing to You torn and broken-hearted
Let it be fixed with Your soft-hearted
Healing magical touch.

Disposition 4

2009-05-16T16:45:00.000+08:00

Let me love them from Your heart
Let me embrace them with Your arms
The Me coming from Your Being.

Heightened faith reaching heavens
Humbly coming to Your presence
Grant us Your peace, my God.

(on 15 May 09)

Disposition 3

2009-05-16T16:43:00.000+08:00

Looking at the sides
Sensing their struggles
Pity I shall feel.

Feeling their emotion
Praying for their condition --
Powerless in motion.

(for 14 May 09)

Happy Thoughts

2009-05-16T10:46:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, I got stuck at watching Peter Pan starring Robbie Williams. He was already a family man when he returned to Neverland forgetting the Peter Pan that he was. Conversing with Tinker Bell and after sometime realizing that he really was, he struggled flying. Tinker Bell just told him the simple line that goes like, "Just think of a happy thought and it will make you fly... Hold on to that thought to keep you flying." Following this he was really able to fly and even saved his children from Captain Hook.

The very line which Tinker Bell broke out really struck me. And it gave me the inspiration on how to live my following days.

She is so right. Happiness indeed is a disposition. It's a decision on how to keep a day happy despite all the sadness, struggles, etc. Me too wants to fly just like Peter Pan. So I would gladly do the same, just a happy thought to keep me flying. Whenever I feel so down even beyond the underground I can always be lightened up by a simple happy thought and it would be enough to keep me from drowning.

Yeah right, just a happy thought to keep me high. After all, the world never loses its goodness. There will always be a positive thing to look at. It's just a matter of an eye and mind of positive-thinking to see the beauty that lies beyond the ordinariness of things.

Hmmm... would you care to share your happy thought with me?

God bless us all with happy hearts!
(",)
jocrossy +

Disposition 2

2009-05-13T08:36:00.000+08:00

Still and quiet
Motionless in post
Remain in patience.

Pondering

2009-05-12T13:42:00.000+08:00

Mountains of clouds
Beneath the clouds of air
Waiting to be lifted up...

A Daughter's Reminiscence

2009-05-12T13:41:00.001+08:00

Guess this is my first write up about my mama. I'm not so close to her and... not really that close. But let me think of her, of how I relate to her and how she created a big impact in me.

I do remember her as my first catechist who taught me my basic prayers. I remember her as a caring mom every time I got sick; the very reason why I would love to get sick. (hehe!) As a music teacher, Carpenter's "I'm Caught Between Goodbye, I Love You" was the very song that she taught me by simply listening to her tune and dictating the lyrics while I copied it over a candle light. Never had I heard of it when I learned the entire song. I just trusted to her tune and she got it right! As a survivor, she taught me how to eat in a cowboy way, to appreciate the food and to take whatever is set on the table. As a model, she taught me how to walk in a graceful way.

When I was a kid, every time we went to church, she would bring me after mass to that crucifix at the Cathedral. Carrying me to her arms, she would ask me to kiss the crucifix, touch the wounds of Papa Jesus then to His heart coupled with a prayer asking Him to heal my heart. Sickly as I was, this became our Church routine. More than following her commands was the sight of sincerity in her eyes asking for God's healing. With an innocent young mind, I would feel like a shy, good little girl before God. Inside me I would give Him a smile and stay not too long to give way to the next in line. That routine was what I would always look forward to in all of our masses.

What my mom doesn't know is that I have developed that special love for the crucifix. It is this passion that always keeps me so close to Jesus. I can still remember the expression on her face thinking of the possibility that I would become a nun. Obviously she was not pleased with the idea. But it was that love of the crucifix that she taught me that led me to my searching; it was that burning passion that keeps me in my discernment for the vocation I am being led. My religiosity started with that routine and I guess until now she never realized that... That was the greatest impact she created in my person that I am always grateful for.

As I always hold on to the view of Jesus crucified, I remember my mom. That very image of God that sticks through my heart will always remind me of my mom. I may not be expressive for my love and gratefulness to her,but as long as I'm alive this heart will continuously burn for that passion of the crucifix and that is where she will also be remembered.

This memory with my mom maybe simple but this is something big that it can capture my big love for God and for His people.

Thank you Father God for my mama, and thank you mama for my God.
(“,)
+ jocrossy +

P.S. I never expressed this thing to my mama and I don't know yet when will I tell her or when is she going to learn about it. But the fact remains that no matter how distant we are from each other, how simple her life may seem, she is a great mom...

For a start

2009-05-11T11:26:00.000+08:00

Just decided to make this blog here as convinced by my ever persuasive anne assuring me of the many things I'm gonna learn from my future blogmates here.hehe
But seriously, I'm into blogging and guess it's about time to open this one more blogsite. 'A person of every little thing', slightly revised, I have thought of this title more than a year ago for my journal and since I haven't started writing in it yet so let this be my start.

Now let me say, welcome to my page.

(",)
+ jocrossy +

A Beautiful Confrontation

2008-12-09T06:19:00.000+08:00

i just had my overnight retreat and it was great! it was very helpful in my part. i surely learned something new.

it was a big confrontation in my part! God affirmed things to me through it. most of which led me to humble acceptance. well, truth really hurts but i'm very happy for the outcome. that is because God granted me the grace i really needed then. my doubts were answered. i was helped to realize certain things in its real sense by His words through the scriptures and reflective materials, and by few persons which were sent to assist me. i feel free to some extent, because God helped me free myself from my ideal self, leading me back to reality, assuring me that it's fine to be real and spontaneous and ME! isn't it great?!

i'm really happy for such opportunity. it was really wonderful...such a beautiful confrontation.

i owe Him a big gratitude. please help me thank God... thank you.

God bless us all in our journey... God help us through it all...

+ jocrossy +

it's been awhile

2008-07-21T12:27:00.000+08:00

just dropping by to say hi... i sorta mizz my blog.hmmm..

a lot had happened already and how i wish i had enough time to share wonderful things... right now, i'm kinda busy preparing for my classes, as a substitute math teacher in csa-b. only for 15days, til july23 lang.. i was surely challenged by my students, been lonely for some time, but thank God i was able to adjust... if i feel i am being challenged by them, binabalik ko rin sa kanila. kundi ugtas man sila sa akon. hehehe... and lately, medyo napasukan ko na rin sila; somehow able to establish rapport... i think na-fall nako sa mga students ko. ti basi masubuan na kami if my term ends. huhu..assuming! hehe... pero im really happy for the experience. for the rest of my students who needed help, carry on ko nalang sa prayers ko.. youth nga naman kasi, andaming issues sa buhay... let's pray for the youth that they may be guided by the Holy Spirit in their battle against temptations and curiosity that might bring them to their fall... God be with them..

God be with us all!

(",)

Just being grateful...

2008-01-01T14:54:00.000+08:00

"As the year ends, let us be thankful for:
those who hated us.. they made us better persons;
those who loved us.. they made our hearts glow;
those who envied us.. they made our self-esteem grow stronger;
those who cared us.. they made us feel important;
those who touched our lives.. they made us who we are today;
those who left us.. they showed us that nothing lasts forever; and
those who stayed.. they showed us the true meaning of friendship."

I am indeed very grateful to God for allowing you to pass by me, creating an impact in my life -may it be big or little-.. and i thank you for submitting yourself to such experience that God granted us to share.
Whatever it is.. thank you so much...

May you be blessed with a grace-filled new year.
God bless you and your family.
God bless us all.

Take care..
Jesus loves you and so do I.

(",)

The Crucifix in Green

2007-12-10T08:30:00.000+08:00

Lifeless, lying dead on green

A memory of men’s sin

Carrying so much burden

But the will is never hidden.

It is the expression of great love;

The desire that His people will have

The freedom to fly like a dove

And salvation they won’t starve.

As the green colored the clothing

Reminds us of His being

The God of the living;

His great mercy revealing.

+ jocrossy +

12/09/07 @ 4:30 PM

Reflecting in Silence

Advent Recollection (w/ the TA)

at Don Salvador Benedicto, Negros Occidental.

In Gratitude...

2007-11-30T14:50:00.000+08:00

friends,

just wanna let you all know that i've always been grateful for everything that we shared. those moments, may it be nice and not so nice, happy and sad moments, i treasure them all. these are gifts that life offered me. every moment shared left a mark in my life and therefore captured a piece of me. whatever are those, i am thankful for it for i surely learned in all of those.
magkalimutan man tayo, e may pinanghahawakan naman akong treasure... yun yung mga panahong nakasama kayo sa iba't ibang paraan. let it be called past, but some of those are existing with me in my present, and might go with me in my future. undeniably, naging bahagi na ng buhay ko ang bawat pagkakataong yun sa kadahilanang yun ang nagturo sa aking maintindihan at mahalin ang buhay, at kung papaano ko harapin ang bawat araw na laan para sa akin.
at sa lahat-lahat ng yun, MARAMING SALAMAT.
naway ipagpala tayong lahat ng Poong Maykapal sa bawat araw na ating kinabubuhay kasama ang mga taong nakapaligid sa atin...

+ jocrossy +

Self-evaluation

2007-11-20T02:17:00.000+08:00

for the past days,i'm into sort of self-evaluation. i know things are changing in me. i intended to do things in a different me. which somehow brought others into a surprise, seeing me in a new way. tho it made them laugh... but which also brought me into a certain level of sadness...

hayyy... i feel sad... but surely i can still manage to smile, laugh and even crack a joke! o di ba?!

would anybody know that the happiest person in everybody's eyes can sometimes be the loneliest person in his deepest self???

but hey! this can't be self-pity!!!!!

whew!!!!

thanks to all who continuously pray for me...

i love you guys...

God bless us all!

Still on tears...

2007-11-12T03:08:00.000+08:00

when i had my last entry here -tears -written, i didn't cry at all, i never intended to cry either. it was just i was moved to talk about it, 'tho i can no longer remember what moved me then.

but to my surprise, i had a share of tears in my class last nov.9. what happened then? well, we were just simply asked to recall our saddest moment in life. then each of us had to stand in front to share to the class what we had inside, as we were all expected to be a support group for everybody. just when the first person stood up, she was up to her tears! now what do you expect from me then?!

i actually started crying when the third person had her share since i can no longer hold my tears. when i had my turn, i was still crying but managed to speak well (in taglish pa jd!). i really shared a bit of my sadness to them. it came as a surprise almost to everybody, 'coz they thought i was all fine, always fine. i was a bit embarassed and i expressed to them that i really hated it -crying in front of anybody! i'm not used to it at all! i told them that they were blessed to see me in tears! but 'dayaon ko kuno'. you know why? because i wore shades! so still they were not able to see my crying eyes. hehe

it struck me when our teacher told me that i should give myself the time to mourn. hmmm... do i really have enough time for that? hehe

but it was a blessing for me then to have cried and be relieved, 'tho i never expected it to happen that way. and yes, i am thankful for that opportunity, to those who were there, and to God of course! it was a grace from Him then!

and! tinuloy ko nalang yung pag-iyak ko at night when i watched a japanese film 'Gokusen', funny but very touchy. i decided to join Yankumi in tears... ang galing noh?

i had my little emotions released, and my soul and eyes cleansed. see, shedding tears really helps...'tho painful it may seem... thank God for the gift of tears!

let's give ourselves a toast of tears! hehe

God bless everyone!

Tears

2007-11-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

it could mean to us a lot of things, 'tho basically it is sort of an expression...

tears maybe a sign of weakness, of surrendering, of hopeless, of helplessness, of anger, of hatred, of grievances, of loneliness, of nothingness... tears may also be a sign of joy, of excitement, of fulfillment, of fullness... which of these could mean yours???

tears are colored by our emotions. so whatever your tear would appear, it depends on how exactly you feel. we can always pretend of what to say about a tear that falls down our cheek, we might deceive our own minds with it since we can always think of reasons of what it could mean, but we can never hide it from our heart, from our soul, from our eyes in which it resides... just as tears come from the eyes and emotions from the heart, we cannot hide ourselves from what's inside for it is deep within that we reside...

but for the many tears that were shed and that will be shed, don't worry for it brings a feeling of consolation... of relief from the burdens of what has been kept inside... a freedom for at last it is expressed in a very cleansing manner: tears cleanse our eyes, our mind and our soul...

may we be healed or at least comforted by the cleansing power of tears coupled with the great touch from God above...may we be able to go back to where we belong... may we be brought back to the very home that is within us so we may be at peace... even for a moment...

God bless us all! ('tho not really longing for a tearful day...hehe)

to surrender...

2007-09-20T16:31:00.000+08:00

you know, it feels good whenever you finally decide to take the risk of jumping into something that you surely know will make you happy. against all the odds, you take the courage to stand firm for that. and it makes you happy...,,, but sad to say, not all the time... maybe for just a moment... happy that you are courageous enough, that you finally conquered some sort of 'fear' within you, and think that you have the world in your hand. it is indeed a victory for the mere fact that you overcome all those tough times... it's great! isn't it?

but as you go along, you are confronted with so many things. and the world just can't leave you happy and enjoying for what you have. and the painful part is when you are made to give up what you had just stood up for; when you are to take back the decision that you so longingly love and wishes to stick with... really painful... whew!

seems like giving up your everything... and you remain in the hope that you can go on with a new road, the road that you sometimes could hardly embrace. your reasons of resorting to it? well, the consideration you have for the people around you, probably the demand that is imposed upon you that you feel will make them happy...

it surely hurts whenever the very person or people you had hoped to join you in your victories, in your happiness, are the ones cutting it out for you. it's kinda depressing to know that you are doing things for them but you earned none of their consideration... hayyy...

as you are preparing for your departure from such point, with crossed fingers, may you be lead to that new road without regrets of the past...

and to whom shall you cling? of course, to your one and only GOD, the great source of strength... prayerfully, you hope for the grace that you really need, the perseverance, the generosity, the humility, the wisdom, etc... and you say, GOD i love you so... but how can i go on?...

to GOD we surrender...

God bless us all... God bless especially those who are in need of His great presence and warm embrace.

+ jocrossy +

9/20/07 - 1:31 am

happy wedding anniversary???

2007-08-01T16:07:00.000+08:00

today is my mom and dad's wedding anniversary.

so how will i greet my mom? happy wedding anniversary??? sad wedding anniversary??? or what??? any suggestion???

Self-confrontation

2007-07-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

it is never easy... especially when you are hurt. a fear might be in you, refusing to face yourself of what it can possibly show you.

it may come in different ways...

you may be confronting yourself through other people...which at times might be traumatic that you would wish to just run away from such person, stop communicating, and if you could just forget about him! never wanting anything related to him! but why is that so? because he might have caused you pains that caught you unguarded; no defense!

you may be confronting yourself through a thing or a place... which reminds you of your past. tears are often shed when it is still fresh in your memory. you might refuse to take a replica of such thing nor bother to pass by such place.

you may be confronting yourself through your very own self... which is usually hard to do. you would feel so helpless that you have nothing to hold on to, to defend you. coz it is the truth that you see in yourself. and what is so sad about it, is when you don't even understand how to go through with it!

in whatever means, we have to take courage to stand. we have to carry ourself no matter how difficult it is. we have to face it whatever it is... without disregarding the fact that we have to prepare ourself. coz whenever we are defeated, the pain continues. and when we fall down and surrender, it'll continue to haunt us... so we take our time to overcome those things that we are confronted of. it is our goal to get over it; so we can move on...

if the problem is how to do it... well, i guess nobody knows how to do it exactly... but we can always lean on our faith... just faith that you can do it...

may God grant us the courage... God bless our souls...

+ jocrossy +

Papa

2007-07-30T10:36:00.000+08:00

three months today since Papa died... may he remain peacefully at rest...

God bless our family!

just wanting...

2007-04-25T16:20:00.000+08:00

surely i got a lot of things in my mind... wanna write about all of these... but see, my mind is so cluttered. just can't pick any of it. and i coudn't put things in words... i need some time to do it and it's not now; it's really late! and i can't do it right here in front of my family- just a bit conscious.hehe

for now, a restful night to you... sleep tight... mwuah!

God bless us all!
(",)