Commitment and Home

Not too old for this life nor too young to speak about things, commitment is one thing that I learn for myself in my every day. For many of us who are on the verge of deciding hoping to trod the right path, I can see the pattern of struggling which way to keep. The moment we feel we are ready to commit for the next step, certain circumstance comes in to test our fidelity, faithfulness and for some to awaken for a different way. Nothing is certain in this world, not even the life we look forward to the moment we give our 'yes.' I see the contrasting reality that we need to battle with, which reminds me of the parable of the wheats and the weeds. Along with our growing desire to fulfill the Call is the growing temptation to keep us away from that desire. Survival of the fittest, it can be.

I was made to realize by a good friend of a possible meaning of a commitment. She reminded me of the will to do and to always choose to decide for that commitment. From which I recalled that yes, I could have decided otherwise but all this time I decided to commit myself in search of the Call. Definitely the searching was never perfect, in fact I arrived at a point that all I could see was a total mess of my so-called journey! But from where I am now, I am happy to realize that all of those were part of the bigger plan for me. Because those were the things that allowed me to truly experience life, to feel just how it is to be, and to be molded to be who and where exactly I am now. I am grateful to be blessed enough that I could end any regrets and to rather look at each as a precious piece in the puzzle. I continue to walk in the maze of my journey, the searching being part of the deepest desire to fulfill what I ought to fulfill.

I must admit that living in a different 'home' is quite a challenge as I am to deal with different people coming from different orientation and family culture. In my effort to embrace each of them in all their uniqueness, I am to realize that they too are exerting effort to do the same for me. If I find it difficult at times to deal with them, they too might be feeling the same way. The community of my ideals is for me to let go so I might embrace the reality of how it is to live with them. The beauty behind all these is that I am taught to learn the things I need for the coming days. Every single day is for me to experience, and by grace I will be able to learn the lessons of each.

Sometimes when I simply feel tired I would miss 'home.' And in my longing for a 'home' I would found myself sitting in the corner of the chapel. Then I could simply close my eyes, imagine and feel the loving embrace of a loving God. For the few minutes I feel cuddled and just like magic, I am somehow refreshed ready to get up again. The big consolation for me is that I am assured within me that I am happy. Tomorrow comes with or without a promise of new beginnings. But I am sure that it's gonna be a brand new day.

God bless and happy day, everyone!
(",)
~ jocrossy + ~