Saturday, May 30, 2009


I'll be importing my old blog entries coz my previous blog site guess will be closing. tsk tsk tsk. And let me share them to you here.

God bless us all!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"Man thinks, woman dreams. To think is to recollect the past or to reason the present. To dream is to anticipate the future. Man is the lake, woman the ocean. The lake contains the poetry that dazzles, the ocean contains pearl that beautifies."

The Writer in Me

It's been a while since I last had my journal entry in my notebook. I've been trying to stir up the spirit and everytime I felt so I don't have enough time to do so. Whenever I'm ready for my write up I get so many stuff to think of so now I get confused with what and where to start. Guess I was never ready at all.

"Im so tired of being here...", it's Evanescence's My Immortal playing now in my computer. Maybe I'm just tired of no specific thing to mention. I just feel so weak this morning. Could it be the thought of wanting to write so many stuff that's making me weak? Or the things I need to accomplish? Or just the anti-allergy medicine that I took last night?

I'm trying to enliven my spirit to keep a day. Hopefully I will feel better few minutes from now. It's just that maybe I would want to dwell for this feeling even for a moment just to keep my thoughts flowing as I make this entry. Could it still be part of my experimentation of how to claim back the writer in me? I was so used to writing at the heights of my emotions; basically started when I was in a bad mood then to feeling down and later on to feeling so good. For whatever emotions I would have I simply want to write a daily journal as I know so well that it helped me somehow.

Will the spirit of the writer in me willingly come home?

Please do...

+ jocrossy +

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Dear, Last Night...

Dear, last night, was actually a night
Of sorrow and pain
Of joy and reminiscing
Of laughters and tears.

A dear friend had hurt me
Saying things I really hate
Cultivating the ill-feelings
Causing me great pains.

The root deep down was also wet
With the showers of unjust deeds
Awakening this little plant of hatred
Helping it grow, expanding its roots
Touching every soil it could reach
And I got no way in control of it.

The only thing that was left to me... was 'tears'.
Only my expressive tears helped me.
Even this I tried to control
But it was also screaming,
Wanting to get out,
Wanting to be free
And again, I got no way in control of it.

Long-treasured memories visited me
As a message from a friend reached me
The friend that I've been missing so much
Was he a long-lost one?

Just a thought from him made me happy
Comforting every tear that bursted out from me
With my heart leaping for joy and gladness
I had even laughed for the shared memory.

I was so happy, very happy
That I almost forgot this was temporary.
Few messages in a little while
And goodbye for a long time.
Bidding goodbye... such a sad thing
But I got no way in control of it.

Dear, all these I wanna share last night
Share it just to you.
But hesitations overruled me
Thought I might disturb you
Thought you won't hear me too
And so decided not to tell you.

Dear, last night I was alone
I got no one to turn to, no one to talk to.
My emotional being overshadowed me
My heart screamed both for the joy and ache.
I would love to sing a song for this thing
But surely I'd be out of tune
For I couldn't even describe the mixed feeling.

Dear, finally, I was in control of myself
Though all these were left unexpressed.
I thanked God for I managed to smile
Before I ended last night!

(written on 17 Jul 02 at 9:46:22 AM)

Disposition 5

Bringing to You torn and broken-hearted
Let it be fixed with Your soft-hearted
Healing magical touch.

Disposition 4

Let me love them from Your heart
Let me embrace them with Your arms
The Me coming from Your Being.

Heightened faith reaching heavens
Humbly coming to Your presence
Grant us Your peace, my God.

(on 15 May 09)

Disposition 3

Looking at the sides
Sensing their struggles
Pity I shall feel.

Feeling their emotion
Praying for their condition --
Powerless in motion.

(for 14 May 09)

Happy Thoughts

Last Saturday, I got stuck at watching Peter Pan starring Robbie Williams. He was already a family man when he returned to Neverland forgetting the Peter Pan that he was. Conversing with Tinker Bell and after sometime realizing that he really was, he struggled flying. Tinker Bell just told him the simple line that goes like, "Just think of a happy thought and it will make you fly... Hold on to that thought to keep you flying." Following this he was really able to fly and even saved his children from Captain Hook.

The very line which Tinker Bell broke out really struck me. And it gave me the inspiration on how to live my following days.

She is so right. Happiness indeed is a disposition. It's a decision on how to keep a day happy despite all the sadness, struggles, etc. Me too wants to fly just like Peter Pan. So I would gladly do the same, just a happy thought to keep me flying. Whenever I feel so down even beyond the underground I can always be lightened up by a simple happy thought and it would be enough to keep me from drowning.

Yeah right, just a happy thought to keep me high. After all, the world never loses its goodness. There will always be a positive thing to look at. It's just a matter of an eye and mind of positive-thinking to see the beauty that lies beyond the ordinariness of things.

Hmmm... would you care to share your happy thought with me?

God bless us all with happy hearts!
jocrossy +

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Mountains of clouds
Beneath the clouds of air
Waiting to be lifted up...

A Daughter's Reminiscence

Guess this is my first write up about my mama. I'm not so close to her and... not really that close. But let me think of her, of how I relate to her and how she created a big impact in me.

I do remember her as my first catechist who taught me my basic prayers. I remember her as a caring mom every time I got sick; the very reason why I would love to get sick. (hehe!) As a music teacher, Carpenter's "I'm Caught Between Goodbye, I Love You" was the very song that she taught me by simply listening to her tune and dictating the lyrics while I copied it over a candle light. Never had I heard of it when I learned the entire song. I just trusted to her tune and she got it right! As a survivor, she taught me how to eat in a cowboy way, to appreciate the food and to take whatever is set on the table. As a model, she taught me how to walk in a graceful way.

When I was a kid, every time we went to church, she would bring me after mass to that crucifix at the Cathedral. Carrying me to her arms, she would ask me to kiss the crucifix, touch the wounds of Papa Jesus then to His heart coupled with a prayer asking Him to heal my heart. Sickly as I was, this became our Church routine. More than following her commands was the sight of sincerity in her eyes asking for God's healing. With an innocent young mind, I would feel like a shy, good little girl before God. Inside me I would give Him a smile and stay not too long to give way to the next in line. That routine was what I would always look forward to in all of our masses.

What my mom doesn't know is that I have developed that special love for the crucifix. It is this passion that always keeps me so close to Jesus. I can still remember the expression on her face thinking of the possibility that I would become a nun. Obviously she was not pleased with the idea. But it was that love of the crucifix that she taught me that led me to my searching; it was that burning passion that keeps me in my discernment for the vocation I am being led. My religiosity started with that routine and I guess until now she never realized that... That was the greatest impact she created in my person that I am always grateful for.

As I always hold on to the view of Jesus crucified, I remember my mom. That very image of God that sticks through my heart will always remind me of my mom. I may not be expressive for my love and gratefulness to her,but as long as I'm alive this heart will continuously burn for that passion of the crucifix and that is where she will also be remembered.

This memory with my mom maybe simple but this is something big that it can capture my big love for God and for His people.

Thank you Father God for my mama, and thank you mama for my God.
+ jocrossy +

P.S. I never expressed this thing to my mama and I don't know yet when will I tell her or when is she going to learn about it. But the fact remains that no matter how distant we are from each other, how simple her life may seem, she is a great mom...

Monday, May 11, 2009

For a start

Just decided to make this blog here as convinced by my ever persuasive anne assuring me of the many things I'm gonna learn from my future blogmates here.hehe
But seriously, I'm into blogging and guess it's about time to open this one more blogsite. 'A person of every little thing', slightly revised, I have thought of this title more than a year ago for my journal and since I haven't started writing in it yet so let this be my start.

Now let me say, welcome to my page.

+ jocrossy +