Tears of God

When words cannot speak,
Let the mind talk.
When thoughts are inconceivable,
Let the heart ponder.
When feelings cannot utter,
Let the tears flow… Tears
Of sadness and gratitude,
Of nothingness and fullness,
Of wishful thinking and fulfillment,
Of fantasy and reality,
Of petition and recognition,
Of person and being,
Of brokenness and wholeness,
Of defilement and holiness,
Of humanity and divinity;
For God to hold
In the palm of His hand
To cherish and treasure,
To claim as His own,
To go back to its Source,
And be embraced
By the Ocean of Life.

+ jocrossy +
17 October 2009
@ 6:28 P.M.

**My tears will always be the tears of God as I am His creature and He is the Creator. Whatever I have comes from Him. I have tears because He shared His to me… He lovingly shares… Let me love You God in grateful heart.

REFLECTION ON ONDOY

Q: What are the causes of typhoon Ondoy?

It is but natural for Philippines to be hit by typhoon. But the tragic effect of the typhoon was caused by improper disposal of garbage, deforestation, problematic drainage system, abuse of mother nature and global warming.

Q: What can we do together to lessen the impact of such occurrence in the lives of the poor?

We have many options that we can work out together:
The ‘bayanihan’ spirit is a big help. It’s great to see people helping one another to save lives, the generosity of sharing goods to the victims from all walks of life, the spirit of volunteerism especially the mobilization of the youth;
To disregard prejudices and unsettled conflicts in such a time is actually one big opportunity of living in solidarity, standing together as one, undivided nation –the impact of which is not only for the poor but for the entire nation;
Pastoral counseling especially for the bereaved family who are greatly in need of empathy and encouragement;
Reaching out to the victims of the very traumatic incident; just listening to their grievances can somehow alleviate their emotions, helping them think positively of the big loss they had experienced;
The mere scene of people helping together to reach out the victims is one simple thing that can touch the hearts of some if not all to give them hope;
For the government to provide for the immediate needs of the victims especially shelter and food, options for livelihood that will give them an assurance that they can go on with their lives;
TV personalities, e.g. Kris Aquino, taking advantage of their fame to call for more donations;
And the immediate simple help that we can offer but is powerful and very important – PRAYER.

**I'm posting it for a special purpose. ;)

Full MOON

In such a cold, dark night,
Looking from afar,
Someone's wishing tonight
In a lonesome star.

Staring so gray
In an unpainted sky,
What shall stay
In those moments passing by?

Breaking lights
In those big clouds,
Catches the eyes
And the heart that pounds.

In a minute's glance,
Blooms the seed of hope
Taking the chance
On immediate cope.

Emerges the perfect
Big full moon,
No one can reject
Such beauty in tune.

Lull me with your fullness,
Fill this emptiness
With your sweet loving sound
In this smile that will bound.

Cuddle me to sleep
'Til my heart learns to keep
The beauty everlasting
Forever enlightening.

+ jocrossy +
10/05/09
from 19:14:27 to 19:33:04

p.s. I'd been wishing that the rest of the world could see the beauty of that beautiful full moon.

Dear Father God

Dear Father God,

Let me in Thy loving arms embrace the whole world
That in Your divine protection it will be comforted.
Let Your motherly heart protect it from any harm.
And in Thy mantle of love it will be lulled in tenderness.
Let it be at rest... peaceful... still... calm... quiet...
I love you Lord and I love the world in Your dear loving heart.

Your loving daughter,
+ jocrossy +

The Blue Heart

A heart so heavy of loneliness
Burdened of many but of nothingness.
A heart that shines in pity
Will I ever see its beauty?

Beating with undying ache
What comfort shall it ever make?
Groaning in so much suffering
Does it have the ear for listening?

It maybe blue for the contained sorrows
Even bleeding for the piercing arrows
But it is still a heart of overflowing grace.
Let it pour out love for the dying race.

+ jocrossy +
@ 11:11:43 AM
31 August 2009

**Remembering Mary in Our Lady of Sorrows, and the many sorrowful hearts.

Mama Mary, as I am formed to be like Christ and for Christ to be formed in me, may I be like you… Amen.

My Eulogy for Mrs. Corazon Aquino

Last August 8 in our class we were asked to write a eulogy for Tita Cory. I said that I can relate more to Kris than to Cory. But anyway, given the few minutes and on the spot writing, I came up with this:

I knew her first through books as I was still four at that time of EDSA 1986. I don't have any recollection on those days.

Supplied with news and other readings, I learned about her governance of many wars being waged during her time, of the issue of farmers on their Hacienda Luisita, and other not-so-good things noticed by people on how she ran the country.

Given those facts, still we cannot deny the goodness in her. Cory was such a model of a good mom, a prayerful lady, a strong person, and a simple and humble woman. It was her piety that led the nation for a non-violent revolution that saved the country from imprisonment of martial law. She admitted she was not ready to run the country but who else can deny the Filipinos' cry? She took courage to lead the country with her humble submission to the Divine. And in all those times of war and trouble, she never lose her poise. She stayed calm in all hope for resolution. Hers was a testimony of faith.

As a mother, she never neglected her responsibility. She stood as a mother and a father to her children. On how she carried her family relation can be seen on how her children grew up. To quote from Kris, "Cory was a mom we all wished our mothers to be." She really was.

Seen on how the people flocked to pay tribute to her, reasons would not be enough to explain things. It is the movement of a heart that can speak better.

(",)
joy

Dancing in the Light

on 7/12/09 @11:29:26

Let me dance in the embers of your light
The spark that shines in the steadfast of the night.
For darkness creeps through the day's wonder
But it will never win with your unwavering thunder.

Your dearie needs your steadfast love
And the fortitude that her heart should have.
Sustain the spirit of the coward's will
So in the night it will not be left to chill.

Light, light, light, let me dance in your light
That together with you I will shine bright.
God, God, God, let me hold your hand
So together we dance with your magical wand.

ends @11:41:38

On the Bone

A Reflection over Lunch

As I slowly pull out the marrow in your bone, let your hidden self get out. Allow that highly kept self to surface. Consider your shyness and fears but little by little let it go. From there I will gladly clean you up. Remove the untidiness that surrounds you. Be cleansed with scrapes of these spoon and fork. And when I'm done, even if you won't look perfectly as you wanted, don't worry. You will always be the beautiful 'Joy' that God has always loved.

Be stained, be cleansed, and be free to dance in God's wonderful hand!

DISPOSITION

Mountains of clouds
Beneath the clouds of air
Waiting to be lifted up.

Still and quiet
Motionless in post
Remain in patience.

Looking at the sides
Sensing their struggles
Pity I shall feel.

Feeling their emotion
Praying for their condition –
Powerless in motion.

Let me love them from Your heart
Let me embrace them with Your arms
The Me coming from Your Being.

Heightened faith reaching heavens
Humbly coming to Your presence
Grant us Your peace, my God.

Bringing to You torn and broken-hearted
Let it be fixed with Your soft-hearted
Healing magical touch.

+ jocrossy +

**I wrote it piece by piece in this blog describing my daily disposition for the week -from May 11 to 16.

on Latin Songs

When Latin songs are sung on special occasions, (e.g. Veneration, Benediction) I don't know exactly the feeling that is created in me. I am just left in awe and appreciation to the rite that becomes more solemn. I would even feel that I become holy and blessed to take part in such occasion.

I cannot even comprehend the lyrics, but I believe it's the faith and the spirit that brings the community into that great celebration that is God's. It's not really a matter of knowing every detail, of understanding the entirety of the Mass, but rather allowing ourselves to be humble and be submissive at times to the Divine inspiration. It's remembering the thought that we don't just rationalize what is written in the Bible but allowing ourselves to be open to what God would want us to learn as we transcend on His words.

Another, there are songs that are best sung in Latin. For example, Tantum Ergo, it has an English translation but the choice of words used in Latin is so beautiful and the essence is kinda different when sung in English. Salve Regina is my motivation in attending an early Saturday Mass. I knew then that I love it since the first time I heard it, though it was just lately that I learned its exact English translation.

For me it would be a great pleasure to know certain Latin songs. It'll give me an advantage that in case I will be attending a Latin Mass especially in the Vatican, I would know even just a single song.hehe

But if a Cathedral schedules a regular Latin Mass (from beginning til end) at the most convenient time of most of the parishioners, that would be another thing.

God bless us all!
(",)

'Love is embracing all and loving especially the unlovables.'

**This is a commentary i made to a discussion forum posted in Misyononline . You can also view here the different views on the issue being raised.

You Can Let Go Now Daddy / Papa

My sister shared to me the site http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=96565007236&h=s09Q9&u=7_TAj&ref=mf , Crystal Shawanda's 'You Can Let Go Now Daddy.' I couldn't relate that much with the first two stanzas of the song as I have my own unique moments with my father. But I got so struck with the last one,

"It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go"

It brings me back to that so familiar scene of the last hours with my dad. Right now I'm holding back my tears but thankful for the writer of this song and those who shared this to us. The lyrics describe it exactly, the very thing I found so hard to write on. It was the most painful thing I had. It was indeed killing me to see my greatest strength dying before my eyes. It was like dying inside feeling my own greatest weakness. To recall, I was trying my best to keep him alive not just for my own sake but for the entire family longing to catch up with his last breath. As I was thinking for all of them I found it most difficult to give him up. With the grace of God I was able to say to him the last words of letting go,
"It's okey dad. You can go now. Don't you worry. We'll be okey. You can let go now and continue with your journey." ... then he gave up his last breath...

Until now we all do feel that certain sadness and might not even able to get over it yet. But in prayer, in grace and in great hope, we will all soon say in loving freeing words, "You can let go now Daddy/Papa."

May Papa/Daddy rest in peace as we lovingly keep him and his memories in our hearts. God bless us all!
(",)
+ jocrossy +

A Troublesome Day?

'Such a beautiful day to start,' i uttered as I woke up. Indeed looking forward for a wonderful day. I got up early intending to attend an early mass.

I asked a companion to go with me to the bank as I was supposed to withdraw for the scholar's tuition which I failed to do because the atm card was captured due to expiration. I never noted its expiration and failed to renew it then. This is really a trouble since it entails a lot of processing again and the owner is outside of the country. Whew! But let me stay cool since the bank is close yet.

Passing by the Church I decided to go straight to the office as I was late for the mass. I'll just catch up with the last mass tonight. Now, the jeepney I was into almost banged on a private car who cut on our way. Good that our driver was too fast to hold the break. We were actually in the midst of crossroads and it was a difficult scene to solve if the accident pushed through. But what was more alarming was that it all happened in front of a police station with policemen relaxing on the roadsides. Wasn't it a call of duty? What I pitied most was the sight of a young boy driving his sidecar with all those corn harvest in a sack who banged himself in our jeepney when it stopped. Surely he was hurt, so much more with all those high school boys teasing him. Our driver seemed to be rather aggressive instead of considering the boy that he confronted him. I just stared at those boys with my looks who made them stopped their teasing. Whew!

Dropping the boys in their school, the driver jumped out himself and crossed on the other road and I saw him caressing a baby sitting on the table. I think he was worried himself and maybe afraid -a man who cares much for his family. I looked at him in the mirror, in prayers, as he asked where to drop me.

So I went on and my day still continues...

God bless my day ahead (with crossed fingers),
(",)
+ jocrossy +

Importing

I'll be importing my old blog entries coz my previous blog site guess will be closing. tsk tsk tsk. And let me share them to you here.

God bless us all!
(",)

"Man thinks, woman dreams. To think is to recollect the past or to reason the present. To dream is to anticipate the future. Man is the lake, woman the ocean. The lake contains the poetry that dazzles, the ocean contains pearl that beautifies."

The Writer in Me

It's been a while since I last had my journal entry in my notebook. I've been trying to stir up the spirit and everytime I felt so I don't have enough time to do so. Whenever I'm ready for my write up I get so many stuff to think of so now I get confused with what and where to start. Guess I was never ready at all.

"Im so tired of being here...", it's Evanescence's My Immortal playing now in my computer. Maybe I'm just tired of no specific thing to mention. I just feel so weak this morning. Could it be the thought of wanting to write so many stuff that's making me weak? Or the things I need to accomplish? Or just the anti-allergy medicine that I took last night?

I'm trying to enliven my spirit to keep a day. Hopefully I will feel better few minutes from now. It's just that maybe I would want to dwell for this feeling even for a moment just to keep my thoughts flowing as I make this entry. Could it still be part of my experimentation of how to claim back the writer in me? I was so used to writing at the heights of my emotions; basically started when I was in a bad mood then to feeling down and later on to feeling so good. For whatever emotions I would have I simply want to write a daily journal as I know so well that it helped me somehow.

Will the spirit of the writer in me willingly come home?

Please do...

+ jocrossy +

Dear, Last Night...

Dear, last night, was actually a night
Of sorrow and pain
Of joy and reminiscing
Of laughters and tears.

A dear friend had hurt me
Saying things I really hate
Cultivating the ill-feelings
Causing me great pains.

The root deep down was also wet
With the showers of unjust deeds
Awakening this little plant of hatred
Helping it grow, expanding its roots
Touching every soil it could reach
And I got no way in control of it.

The only thing that was left to me... was 'tears'.
Only my expressive tears helped me.
Even this I tried to control
But it was also screaming,
Wanting to get out,
Wanting to be free
And again, I got no way in control of it.

Long-treasured memories visited me
As a message from a friend reached me
The friend that I've been missing so much
Was he a long-lost one?

Just a thought from him made me happy
Comforting every tear that bursted out from me
With my heart leaping for joy and gladness
I had even laughed for the shared memory.

I was so happy, very happy
That I almost forgot this was temporary.
Few messages in a little while
And goodbye for a long time.
Bidding goodbye... such a sad thing
But I got no way in control of it.

Dear, all these I wanna share last night
Share it just to you.
But hesitations overruled me
Thought I might disturb you
Thought you won't hear me too
And so decided not to tell you.

Dear, last night I was alone
I got no one to turn to, no one to talk to.
My emotional being overshadowed me
My heart screamed both for the joy and ache.
I would love to sing a song for this thing
But surely I'd be out of tune
For I couldn't even describe the mixed feeling.

Dear, finally, I was in control of myself
Though all these were left unexpressed.
I thanked God for I managed to smile
Before I ended last night!

(written on 17 Jul 02 at 9:46:22 AM)

Disposition 5

Bringing to You torn and broken-hearted
Let it be fixed with Your soft-hearted
Healing magical touch.

Disposition 4

Let me love them from Your heart
Let me embrace them with Your arms
The Me coming from Your Being.

Heightened faith reaching heavens
Humbly coming to Your presence
Grant us Your peace, my God.

(on 15 May 09)

Disposition 3

Looking at the sides
Sensing their struggles
Pity I shall feel.

Feeling their emotion
Praying for their condition --
Powerless in motion.

(for 14 May 09)

Happy Thoughts

Last Saturday, I got stuck at watching Peter Pan starring Robbie Williams. He was already a family man when he returned to Neverland forgetting the Peter Pan that he was. Conversing with Tinker Bell and after sometime realizing that he really was, he struggled flying. Tinker Bell just told him the simple line that goes like, "Just think of a happy thought and it will make you fly... Hold on to that thought to keep you flying." Following this he was really able to fly and even saved his children from Captain Hook.

The very line which Tinker Bell broke out really struck me. And it gave me the inspiration on how to live my following days.

She is so right. Happiness indeed is a disposition. It's a decision on how to keep a day happy despite all the sadness, struggles, etc. Me too wants to fly just like Peter Pan. So I would gladly do the same, just a happy thought to keep me flying. Whenever I feel so down even beyond the underground I can always be lightened up by a simple happy thought and it would be enough to keep me from drowning.

Yeah right, just a happy thought to keep me high. After all, the world never loses its goodness. There will always be a positive thing to look at. It's just a matter of an eye and mind of positive-thinking to see the beauty that lies beyond the ordinariness of things.

Hmmm... would you care to share your happy thought with me?

God bless us all with happy hearts!
(",)
jocrossy +

Disposition 2

Still and quiet
Motionless in post
Remain in patience.

Pondering

Mountains of clouds
Beneath the clouds of air
Waiting to be lifted up...

A Daughter's Reminiscence

Guess this is my first write up about my mama. I'm not so close to her and... not really that close. But let me think of her, of how I relate to her and how she created a big impact in me.

I do remember her as my first catechist who taught me my basic prayers. I remember her as a caring mom every time I got sick; the very reason why I would love to get sick. (hehe!) As a music teacher, Carpenter's "I'm Caught Between Goodbye, I Love You" was the very song that she taught me by simply listening to her tune and dictating the lyrics while I copied it over a candle light. Never had I heard of it when I learned the entire song. I just trusted to her tune and she got it right! As a survivor, she taught me how to eat in a cowboy way, to appreciate the food and to take whatever is set on the table. As a model, she taught me how to walk in a graceful way.

When I was a kid, every time we went to church, she would bring me after mass to that crucifix at the Cathedral. Carrying me to her arms, she would ask me to kiss the crucifix, touch the wounds of Papa Jesus then to His heart coupled with a prayer asking Him to heal my heart. Sickly as I was, this became our Church routine. More than following her commands was the sight of sincerity in her eyes asking for God's healing. With an innocent young mind, I would feel like a shy, good little girl before God. Inside me I would give Him a smile and stay not too long to give way to the next in line. That routine was what I would always look forward to in all of our masses.

What my mom doesn't know is that I have developed that special love for the crucifix. It is this passion that always keeps me so close to Jesus. I can still remember the expression on her face thinking of the possibility that I would become a nun. Obviously she was not pleased with the idea. But it was that love of the crucifix that she taught me that led me to my searching; it was that burning passion that keeps me in my discernment for the vocation I am being led. My religiosity started with that routine and I guess until now she never realized that... That was the greatest impact she created in my person that I am always grateful for.

As I always hold on to the view of Jesus crucified, I remember my mom. That very image of God that sticks through my heart will always remind me of my mom. I may not be expressive for my love and gratefulness to her,but as long as I'm alive this heart will continuously burn for that passion of the crucifix and that is where she will also be remembered.

This memory with my mom maybe simple but this is something big that it can capture my big love for God and for His people.

Thank you Father God for my mama, and thank you mama for my God.
(“,)
+ jocrossy +

P.S. I never expressed this thing to my mama and I don't know yet when will I tell her or when is she going to learn about it. But the fact remains that no matter how distant we are from each other, how simple her life may seem, she is a great mom...

For a start

Just decided to make this blog here as convinced by my ever persuasive anne assuring me of the many things I'm gonna learn from my future blogmates here.hehe
But seriously, I'm into blogging and guess it's about time to open this one more blogsite. 'A person of every little thing', slightly revised, I have thought of this title more than a year ago for my journal and since I haven't started writing in it yet so let this be my start.

Now let me say, welcome to my page.

(",)
+ jocrossy +